You can make a big difference with daily, structured, play-based activities and routines that target motor, communication, thinking, and self‑help skills, while partnering closely with therapists and doctors.
Techniques you can use at home
1. Learning through play (core strategy)
- Use structured play to build skills: simple obstacle courses, ball games, stacking blocks, shape sorters, and pretend play help motor coordination, problem solving, and flexibility.
- Keep activities short and frequent (e.g., 5–10 minutes, several times a day) and match them to her current ability so she can succeed with a bit of challenge.
- Use repetition with small variations (same game, new toy or location) to strengthen learning and generalisation.
Example: turn a corridor into a mini obstacle course (step over tape lines, touch a picture on the wall, put a toy in a box) to work on balance, following steps, and hand use.
2. Building communication and language
- Narrate daily routines in simple sentences (“Now we wash hands,” “Spoon in bowl”) and repeat key words often.
- Pair words with visual cues: photos, picture symbols, or simple gestures/signs make it easier for children with delays to understand and express choices.
- Offer choices constantly (“Do you want water or milk?” while showing both) and wait expectantly a few seconds to encourage any response (look, reach, sound, word).
- If a speech therapist is involved, ask about using visual supports, communication boards, or simple AAC apps so she can communicate even if spoken language is delayed.
3. Supporting motor and sensory development
- For gross motor: dancing to music, playground time (swinging, sliding, climbing), and ball play improve strength, balance, and coordination.
- For fine motor: puzzles, playdough, finger games, posting coins or buttons into containers, and simple drawing or scribbling help hand strength and coordination.
- Create a sensory-friendly corner at home (soft lighting, reduced noise, comfortable seat, a few preferred toys) where she can calm down and regroup if overwhelmed.
4. Using structure and routine
- Keep a predictable daily routine and show it with picture schedules or simple drawings so she knows what comes next; this reduces anxiety and behaviour issues.
- Give one-step instructions at a time, in a calm voice, with reduced background noise, and check understanding by having her show you (not just say “yes”).
- Break every new skill into small parts (e.g., for brushing teeth: pick up toothbrush, put toothpaste, brush, rinse) and teach one step at a time with lots of praise.
Behaviour and emotional skills
- Use “positive parenting” techniques: frequent specific praise (“Nice sharing your toy”), small rewards, and clear, consistent limits are proven to help children with developmental delay.
- During play, follow her lead for part of the time, then gently guide her to practise a target skill (e.g., taking turns, pointing, naming) to keep motivation high.
- Practice simple role‑play or pretend social situations (greeting, sharing, asking for help) to build social understanding.
Working with professionals in Singapore
- Discuss with her paediatrician or developmental specialist which therapies are most important now (speech, occupational, physiotherapy, psychology) and how often they recommend, since intensity and timing of intervention strongly affect outcomes.
- Ask every therapist for written home activities and videos if possible; studies show that when families practise these at home, children’s motor, language, and social skills improve more than with clinic therapy alone.
Overall approach for a 22-year-old Special needs child
You can help your child become more independent by teaching one life skill at a time using clear steps, visuals, and lots of repetition and praise, especially for dressing and shoe‑tying.
- Focus on functional daily living skills: dressing accurately, basic household tasks, simple money use, getting around safely, and communication in the community.
- Teach in real situations (when she is actually getting dressed or going out), not only as “practice,” because adults with developmental disabilities learn best from real‑world practice with support.
- Keep instructions short, use visual or physical prompts, and fade your help slowly so she does more and you do less over time.
Helping her wear shoes on the correct feet
- Put a clear visual cue inside the shoes:
- Cut a sticker or picture in half and place one half in each shoe so the image “joins” only when the shoes are on the correct sides, or draw a big arrow inside each shoe pointing toward the big toe side.
- Use a simple left–right routine every time:
- Place shoes in front of her in the same orientation, say “Toe to the front, picture together,” and let her check the picture/arrow before putting them on.
- Practise as a mini-game when you are not rushing: mix up the shoes and ask, “Can you fix them so the picture joins?” and praise immediately when she gets it right.
Teaching shoe‑tying step by step
For tying, use a task analysis approach: break it into small steps and teach one part at a time.
- First, decide which method suits her hands and understanding (e.g., “bunny ears” with two loops is often easier).
- Write or print a step‑by‑step sequence with photos (or line drawings) and keep it near where she puts on shoes.
- Example sequence (adapt for her):
- Hold one lace in each hand.
- Cross them to make an X.
- Pull the top lace under the bottom and tighten.
- Make a loop with the right lace.
- Wrap the left lace around the loop.
- Push part of the left lace through to make a second loop.
- Pull both loops.
Teach 1–2 steps at a time with hand‑over‑hand help, then gradually reduce your physical help as she learns each step.
If tying remains too hard despite practice, it is also perfectly acceptable to use elastic laces or toggle/Velcro shoes to support independence while you still practise tying as a “training skill.”
Strengthening dressing and body awareness
- Work on body and directional awareness (left/right, front/back, up/down) using clothing: “Where is your left foot? Put your left foot in the left shoe,” with gestures and touch prompts.
- Use dressing visual schedules (photos of each step: socks, then shoes, check picture inside shoes) placed in her room or near the door.
- Practise similar skills with other clothes (front/back of T‑shirts, which side is up for skirts or trousers) to reinforce the same concepts and generalise the skill.
Making practice work in daily life
- Choose one or two priority goals at a time (e.g., “correct shoes” and “start shoe‑tying”) and practise them daily in short, calm moments rather than long, stressful sessions.
- Use strong, immediate praise and small rewards that matter to her (favourite snack, music, or activity) every time she makes progress, even if it is just completing one more step independently.
- If you have access to adult disability or day‑activity services in Singapore, ask whether they provide daily living skills training and share with them the same step‑by‑step approach so home and programme are consistent.
Build more independence in small daily moments at home or work
You can help your child become more independence, by doing simple daily activities at home or while they go out into the community.
These are some of the practical priorities you can train your child:
- Dressing accuracy and shoe skills (correct feet, tying or managing fasteners).
- More independence in the workshop routine (preparing bag, clocking in/out, cleaning up).
- Slightly more independence in travel, and simple home tasks like making a drink or snack.
You do not need to work on everything at once; pick 1–2 goals per month and keep them very specific (e.g., “correct shoes independently 4 days per week”).
Example weekday practice plan
You can weave practice into what you are already doing so it does not feel like extra work.
Morning (before going to workshop)
- Dressing and shoes (5–10 minutes):
- Use the picture/arrow inside each shoe so she checks and corrects sides herself before you leave.
- Add 1–2 shoe‑tying steps if you are still teaching tying; if you are rushed, just let her do the steps she already knows and you finish the rest.
- Simple independence task:
- Let her prepare one part of breakfast (e.g., scoop cereal, pour milk with your hand over hers, or spread butter on bread), then praise her clearly (“You prepared your cereal yourself.”).
Bus and walk (to/from workshop)
- Bus card:
- if your child can tap by herself/himself, add one more small step, like greeting the driver (“Hi”) or checking the bus number with you before boarding (“Is this 43?”) if she/he can manage it.
- Walking routine:
- On the 15‑minute walk, practise simple safety rules (“Stop, look, listen” at crossings, staying on one side of the path), and let her/him lead the way while you shadow and correct gently only when needed.
After workshop (at home)
- One short home chore (5–10 minutes):
- Examples: put dirty clothes in the laundry basket, wipe the table after snack, help take out small rubbish, or put items back in a fixed place.
- Always use the same sequence and the same words so it becomes a habit.
- Wind‑down and communication:
- Use simple “work story” questions she/he can answer with few words or gestures, like “Today: earpiece or other job?”, “Happy or tired?”, maybe using pictures to support responses.
Strengthening skills at the shelter workshop
Sheltered workshops in Singapore aim to build vocational skills and daily life skills, so staff often welcome parent collaboration.
- Ask her/his key worker or job coach what independence goals they are working on (e.g., packing items with less help, following 2–3 step instructions, or tidying her/his work area) and mirror those goals at home using similar language and steps.
- Check whether there are opportunities for her/him to practise:
- Simple time awareness (recognising break time and end of work using a visual schedule).
- Simple social routines (greeting staff, saying “thank you” or “bye”).
- Explore if they or SG Enable have any programmes or talks on building daily routines for independent living; these can give you and your wife more structured ideas.
How to choose and track goals
To avoid overload, you can pick one “home goal” and one “community goal” for the next 4–6 weeks.
Examples:
- Home goal: “Wear shoes on correct sides without help on 4 out of 5 weekdays.”
- Community goal: “Tap bus card and check bus number with mum on 4 out of 5 weekdays.”
You can mark success with simple ticks on a calendar; this helps you see progress even when it feels slow.
General strategy (for all skills)
- Teach one skill at a time (for example, “toilet routine” first, then “brushing teeth”).
- Use the same sequence, same words, and same timing every day.
- Show first, then help hand‑over‑hand, then slowly reduce your help.
- Use strong, clear praise (“You flushed by yourself,” “You brushed very well”) and let her watch YouTube after the routine as a reward.
Toilet routine
Break the toilet process into clear steps. You can draw or print simple pictures for each step and stick them on the bathroom wall:
- Go to toilet.
- Pull pants/underwear down.
- Sit on toilet.
- Pee/poo.
- Wipe (front to back).
- Throw tissue into toilet.
- Stand up.
- Pull pants/underwear up.
- Flush.
- Wash hands (soap, rub, rinse, dry).
How to teach:
- Start by guiding her through every step with your words and gentle physical prompts.
- After a few days, ask her to do the steps she can already manage (e.g., pulling pants down/up, flushing) while you still help with the harder steps (like wiping).
- Gradually reduce your help: for example, you point instead of guiding her hand, then you only remind her with words.
- Keep toilet times predictable (e.g., after waking, after meals, before going out, before bed).
Brushing teeth
Again, use a picture or written sequence near the sink:
- Pick up toothbrush.
- Put toothpaste.
- Turn on tap, wet brush.
- Brush top teeth front.
- Brush bottom teeth front.
- Brush side teeth.
- Spit.
- Rinse mouth with water.
- Rinse toothbrush, put it back.
How to teach:
- Stand behind or beside her, guide her hand for each part of the mouth so she learns the movement and sequence.
- Use a timer or a simple song (30–60 seconds) so she knows how long to brush.
- Over time, move from full hand‑over‑hand support to light touch on her elbow, then just verbal cues (“Now brush the top,” “Now sides”).
- Let her watch a short YouTube video only after the full routine is done; you can say, “Brush, then YouTube.”
Bathing herself
Start with you in the bathroom supervising closely, and let her do more and more of the steps:
Example sequence:
- Take towel and clean clothes into bathroom.
- Turn on shower.
- Wet body.
- Put soap on sponge/hand.
- Wash: face, neck, arms, chest, tummy, back, legs, private area, bottom.
- Rinse all soap off.
- Turn off shower.
- Dry body with towel (same order).
- Put on clean clothes.
How to teach:
- Choose one part for her to take over first (e.g., washing arms and legs), while you handle the rest.
- Use clear body part names and show the order; you can say, “Top to bottom” and always follow the same direction.
- Gradually add more body parts for her to wash and then to dry, until she can complete most of the sequence, with you just checking and reminding.
- Always check and support around private areas for hygiene and safety, even when she does most steps herself.
Wearing her own clothes
For dressing, keep things simple and consistent:
- Lay out clothes in the order to put on (underwear, T‑shirt, pants/skirt, socks, shoes).
- Choose easy clothes first (loose T‑shirts, elastic waist pants, minimal buttons).
- Use quick rules she can learn, like:
- “Tag at the back” for shirts.
- A small mark (stitch, dot) inside the waistband front so she knows which side is front.
How to teach:
- Let her try to put on each item, then you correct or guide only if needed.
- Use mirrors so she can see whether clothes are the right way around.
- If she often twists shirts, practise slowly when you are not rushing, and physically guide her to hold the neck hole, then find the bottom, then put in one arm at a time.
Using YouTube to help
Because she likes YouTube, you can use it in two ways:
- As a reward: “First toilet, then YouTube.” Keep the video short so she can repeat the routine later in the day.
- As a model: look for very simple, slow, child‑ or teen‑friendly videos that show tooth‑brushing, bathing, and dressing routines. Watch together, pause, and then do the same steps in real life.
You can also record very short videos of her (or you) doing the steps correctly and play those for her as a “personal instruction video.”
